This week is just drifting away so fast and yet today is Friday. Tomorrow will be the course preview and soon I will be starting my degree life. In the same place, same location and same block. Hope so will be an official law student tho. 

Summarizing this whole week. It was boring, lovely, excited, anger, sweet, tired and calm. Watched Jurassic World as promised and just had a brief date with begu. But admit it. This week is just too tired and boring. The longer the time is, the more complicated stuffs I have discovered. Maybe u think I might be pointless but frankly, I just need to change the mode of my attitude to face all the fuck ups these days. I mean, u know everyone will be facing different obstacles in life and we should not give up ourselves and that's right, I have nothing and pointless to give up myself right. NO way for myself to give up and sacrifice. The path I chose and I just need to do all my best to make things work right.

ATYL messaged me yesterday and I really hope I could help him tho. He was just too upset and can't himself focus on something and forget the past. I know maybe I'm still young enough to understand the big bro's world but what can I do was just staying beside him and listened to him. I spent some time to type and consoled him. I hope it really works and I hope he will not give up anything. My tears actually rolled down when he asked me not to change and hope that I am remain me, the original me from the beginning till now. I was so terrified and keep talking to him. Dear, it's life. In life we will lost something and will also gain something. We have our own problems and we need to settle all the problems by ourselves, there will be challenges and obstacles and we just need to walk over with courage. We are stronger, it will not kill us.

Sincerely hope he will be alright. Sincerely hope I will be alright tho. 

Signing off. 

Lo, 
Crys.

忙与盲

记得我还在坤成的时候曾有一次被选为一期《拾穗》的主编，那是我从初中开始的一个梦想，只是都在沉淀于写作，创作，等到一次的机会便是我高二的时候，当时我一头雾水，不知道到底主题该写些什么，到底放我一直以来都想要的题目吗？可是这本刊物代表坤成，代表我，也代表全校，我该写一些学校同学赞同的题材吧？然后，兜兜转转，转转兜兜，我选了《忙与盲》，全都准备好要发稿了，可是上一期的主编没法弄好刊物，所以我那一期该延迟了，可是我等不到啊。我那期泡汤了，我离校了，随着我那刊也挂牌取消了，没意思，唉，这就是人生，总有一些东西你想得到，想做到，但是总是碰脚。可，人生少了一点遗憾，也许就不完美了。

太久没有用华语写写我的部落格了，最近都在忙啥？考完试，我就窝在家里当宅女了，没啥特别事去干，看看戏，睡睡觉，吃吃喝喝，做做工，就那样，无聊得很，这才发现我无法牢牢地呆在家里休息，养性，我还是比较适合忙碌的那种。我是属于那种盲目地在忙碌的人。这人生啊，到底要走多远，走多长啊，都是靠自己，一路走来，都是自己在陪自己，不是吗？没有一个人喜欢被一个人束缚着，没有一个人喜欢被约束着，自由自在地不是吗？我这个人，总有一个老毛病，只要我自己一个人，无所事事，我的小脑袋瓜就会歇斯底里地胡思乱想，到处想一番，然后就会不断折磨自己，挖苦自己，让自己难受，然后再转牛角尖，这人啊，怪讨厌的。对于外表常给别人一种难以靠近，高高在上，坚强气势的女强人，无可奈何，对不起，我也是个弱女子，可是我知道，该坚强的时候坚强。

有些时候，总是问自己，这些是我想要的吗？无论爱情还是友情。我都很认真地，耐心地付出，我知道，付出的不代表可以完完整整得到回报，这不可能是对比。曾经觉得赢了全世界，输了你，我不可以，我会发疯的；但现在，即使我赢了全世界也赢了你，却输了自己，我更不可以。我是个自私的人，我做任何事，只想随着自己的心，我可以对不起任何人，但是我不能对不起我自己的心，因为支撑我最久的是我自己，若你让我选，我宁可只要自己，这可能是全世界人的选择吧？致友情和爱情。心里有多少矛盾我已无所谓，只要我活得快乐，你管我用什么角度去看我。

很多时候，我们会遇到别人不明白你的时候，你根本不能解释，也无须解释，因为因果道理都在你自己的心里，任何感受都你自己知道，你不可以逼着人家去接受你一切的不完美，你一切的瑕疵，或许，他们能给你的不多，他们不明白，可是只要你自己知道你在做什么就对了，别回头探听别人说你什么，他们不会明白的，这就是人生。很多时候，你需要自己辨别自己要的路，走自己的桥，过自己的路，他们不会替你完成。一切随着自己的心吧！即使有遗憾，也没关系，那是你自己的决定。

那个时候，我问你，如果前面有个黑洞，你会和我一起掉下去吗？你说你不会。那时候起，我就知道，你是个比我还理性的人，比我强势的人。跟以前的都不一样，你知道我的一切，了解我的一切。可是有些时候，上天给的考验是多么的残忍啊？总会有些我们意想不到的事。在你身边，我总是能很踏实的，好像一个乖孩子，可，当我们不见面上几天，我就开始慌了，心总是老空的，不知所措，然后，心好像被天花板压下来，呼吸不了，逃也逃不了，就眼睁睁让自己沉沦了，那些害怕的感觉就好像去年一样，泛滥开来，你尽力了，是我的安全感不到家，总是害怕。随缘吧！

我一直强行把一些东西送给你，我的时间，我的爱，我的胡搅蛮缠，我的狰狞和可爱，我从来没问过你想不想要，我只知道这些我从不给别人。

累了。
下线了。

Finally.

Ups and downs after weeks of exams. * Never forget my A level exams. Well, pretty good and I went through all the exams period. Especially my major law papers. I'm done! hah. Well, left a June paper. Business paper 3. 8 downs and 1 more to go. Procrastinating for a week tho. Had a few nights of good rest. Almost 10 hours per day? I admit. Like a pig. Seriously like a pig. But having a good rest before starting my new journey. It's sufficient. Was planning to have some little mini gateway tho, but unfortunately. I have time problem. >< Need to start my LLB program like really soon. A short 20 days of holiday after my Business paper?

Summarize my May life. Kinda interesting, challenging, busy and torturing tho. Firstly, never forget I was having my final A2 papers. The exams treated me well, at least I prepared for it and I can do it like quite well. Secondly, Plaza Dance Academy 21st Anniversary Concert!! Yeap, I did performed as well. ( Many thought I can't managed tho, cause almost having rehearsals every night and hanging out to main place tho... BUT...! Goddess Chan manged to><) The concert was so great...!!! I mean I can't compare the standard with DS, but the children are adorable and the whole running was so interesting and at least we learnt something. I participated to Ms Loo's roaring tap. Well, dancing with smaller kids are fun and the spirit of team working. The most important dance!! MRS.MARS. Girls putting up tap shoes, dressed like uptown funk with swag looking, wow! Our team was just so great! I love tap concert always and with them, my girls! Thanks Jocelyn Wong ( JoJo) for the nice choreography and patience, teaching us the steps, thinking complicated steps to make the dance more interesting; thanks Xuen Wei for driving me here and there; thanks Joy Muttiah ( Joy) for cracking jokes and sharing her stories and the suggestions; thanks Shulynn ( Sheryl) for taking good care of me, the detoxing water which we love it very much and everything! ; thanks phoebe acting like my cute twins, doing anything and everything the same with me. I love you girls, memorable and fantastic memories I have. From tap dancers turn to Best friends, thanks for cherishing me and love me like a little sister. Love you girls!

Went to TDS competition on Monday. It was competitive and nice job to all the finalists. Learnt something new and special and congratz to all finalist of DS and the winner of TDS. Miss ballet so much. Baby SY did well for the competition tho. Support you and love you forever. <3

Signing off. 

Lo,

Crys.