I'm a mad people. I admit it always. Sometimes I will be like a crazy people. Fooling around, joking insanely with those who are close with me. But I will be vulnerable once being hurt. Like taking off the fuqing mask is just too hard for me. I mean. I get hurt easily. Something easily make me done of everything. EVERYTHING. You know that acting strong and being strong is totally different. It's hard for me to draw a distinction here because sometimes it frustrated me though.
Hardest time. The past few weeks. Having a foolish broke up, sucks exam result and etc. What doesn't kills me makes me stronger, stand a little taller? Yep. I admit that. Once Jay told me, in our life, we must put our head higher, middle finger even higher. Totally a nodding head. I always know what I am, where am I and what I want. Being clear what to be done in specific time period. I can be that strong. Receiving the worst result I ever had. Heart undoubtedly hurt, but I get something even hurt. Hence, when I passed through those fuckups... bad results mean ntg to me anymore. I din say IDC but it just compare to both, I have faced the worst condition ever. So, I decided to retake two subjects. Remaining the 4. I know it will be stressful or etc, but I will put more effort to make everything right. At least a try? I should try. Just tell me I can do it. Give me some distractions to avoid me from over thinking. At least, by studying and scoring?
Immense gratitude to Chan Kah Mun, Nga Ching Sim and Some Wong. You girls did the best for me and being there for me. Whenever and whatever, hows and whys. Girls, thanks for being my side. Listen to me and cry for me. Wiping my tears and advising me. Thanks a lot. Although I'm still conquered by some so-called sadness but overall my recovering rate is good. Standing by my side especially last few weeks, and after we received the results. Dears, thank you for being my baes, darlings and best friends. I know I'm not strong in facing all these fuckups... but yet you girls make me stronger when I need to be. You are the ones which never put me down and never get any IGNORANCE from you girls. Forever love you and thank you.
Was planning my future. <3 Planning the date for Santorini, Maldives and Paris. Coming soon.
Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.
* I get hurt and depressed when I finally discovered that he never belongs to me before. Not even once or twice.
I am recovering soon.
Lo,
Crys.
Sunday, 25 January 2015
Thursday, 15 January 2015
Letter for MLBF
It's torturing if I typed here. But well, I have no choice and noone who I can really cry with. Not even Mun and Sim. Frankly, you girls know my stories well and u both know me so well. For you girls, I shouldn't even shed a tear for mlbf. But memories hurt. I know, everyone goes through these so kind of ups and downs. Me either. Mun and Sim do support me whenever I need them. I swear I know they love me and care me so much. How could I just let it go when everything should belong to me and I am the one who saying give up?
Having months of life with mlbf. You aren't a perfect guy, but you know what? Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. Though we only having months of living and loving together, but darling, thanks a lot for take caring me, loving me, caring me and etc. Immense of gratitude I owed you. Was it considered as an amicable kind of split? Darling, I don't like to drag things long and I knew it will hurt both of us. The love you did spread to me sincerely I feel it and I always cherish it. But waiting for days, suffering for hours and awakening for nights, made my life really unbearable. You may say I am too naive that I should think at your side and have strong mentaly support to you, trusting you and defend for you no matter when and how, because you are my mlbf. But seriously I can't stand that you have changed like another person which I used to know. Mlbf, I miss the old you alot. The mlbf that called me every night for stupid question and just to listen my voice, texting me, putting effort to make me smile and laugh like a nut, skype me when I told you I want you now. Pampered me alot, sending me to stations, bring me to eat and those silly breakfast chatty time, those precious time I told you how pain my leg was and those little time that we used to it. What happened I asked myself everyday, every morning, every single lonely period and every night before sleep. It haunts.
Darling, I was so glad and appreciate that you really appeared in my life. And no matter what happens, you will have ideas to make me melt for you and ur actions, giving me hope and never put me down whenever I need you. I will never forget those days' surprise you gave and apparently those melting seconds when you walked to me and just sit beside me silently. I have been waiting for so long. I always hope there will be miracle between us. I also pray hard hoping that tomorrow will be a fine day and everything will be ok. Should be alright. But no. It's finally an amicable split. Despite all those ITT, offer and acceptane craps that I used to describe those fuqsup. I miss you. I really do miss you. Everything was just mess up and is messing up my world like hell. But now I just keep myself calm and face all these by myself. It never been easy after all although it just months but it is tearing me apart. torn. hurts.
Tears dry and smile started to fake on. I can't imagine and unbearable everything back to the NORMAL routine. Walking alone to college, solving acc alone, reading law alone... is like wtf I used to do all these with mlbf! Crap! I can't be regretting now because I know it is a chance for both of us to think what we really need and want. Maybe I need you but you din't need me at all. (maybe). But I just can't believe. Is it that easy for you to let me go and just stop loving me? I always doubt that. How can you just let me go like that? I am mad and yet heartbroken. In pieces. I wonder how, I wonder why, I wonder where they are, the days we had, the songs we sang together.
I know I must be stronger. But frankly my heart speaks. It is so painful to get ignorance from you. Unbearable. Once we held our hands so tightly and now I miss it. Yeah, we choose the love we deserve. Well said. But did you?
Where's your favourite place? His arms.
I still miss you and still heart you. But I hope you alright and so letting you go though I am felling apart.
imy,iny,iwy,ivvmy,ihy,ily.
你傳來的信無法解讀
究竟是亂碼還是心中別有企圖
你總是不肯說出
到底在不在乎
我想我是愛你的 無誤
風為你改變顏色 無誤
看不見未來 找不回歸途
在淪陷的邊緣
我的視線漸漸模糊
我想我是恨你的 無誤
放不下的回憶是 束縛
冰冷的對白 比刀鋒殘酷
終於按下回答
我選擇退出 無誤
Lo, Crys.
Having months of life with mlbf. You aren't a perfect guy, but you know what? Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. Though we only having months of living and loving together, but darling, thanks a lot for take caring me, loving me, caring me and etc. Immense of gratitude I owed you. Was it considered as an amicable kind of split? Darling, I don't like to drag things long and I knew it will hurt both of us. The love you did spread to me sincerely I feel it and I always cherish it. But waiting for days, suffering for hours and awakening for nights, made my life really unbearable. You may say I am too naive that I should think at your side and have strong mentaly support to you, trusting you and defend for you no matter when and how, because you are my mlbf. But seriously I can't stand that you have changed like another person which I used to know. Mlbf, I miss the old you alot. The mlbf that called me every night for stupid question and just to listen my voice, texting me, putting effort to make me smile and laugh like a nut, skype me when I told you I want you now. Pampered me alot, sending me to stations, bring me to eat and those silly breakfast chatty time, those precious time I told you how pain my leg was and those little time that we used to it. What happened I asked myself everyday, every morning, every single lonely period and every night before sleep. It haunts.
Darling, I was so glad and appreciate that you really appeared in my life. And no matter what happens, you will have ideas to make me melt for you and ur actions, giving me hope and never put me down whenever I need you. I will never forget those days' surprise you gave and apparently those melting seconds when you walked to me and just sit beside me silently. I have been waiting for so long. I always hope there will be miracle between us. I also pray hard hoping that tomorrow will be a fine day and everything will be ok. Should be alright. But no. It's finally an amicable split. Despite all those ITT, offer and acceptane craps that I used to describe those fuqsup. I miss you. I really do miss you. Everything was just mess up and is messing up my world like hell. But now I just keep myself calm and face all these by myself. It never been easy after all although it just months but it is tearing me apart. torn. hurts.
Tears dry and smile started to fake on. I can't imagine and unbearable everything back to the NORMAL routine. Walking alone to college, solving acc alone, reading law alone... is like wtf I used to do all these with mlbf! Crap! I can't be regretting now because I know it is a chance for both of us to think what we really need and want. Maybe I need you but you din't need me at all. (maybe). But I just can't believe. Is it that easy for you to let me go and just stop loving me? I always doubt that. How can you just let me go like that? I am mad and yet heartbroken. In pieces. I wonder how, I wonder why, I wonder where they are, the days we had, the songs we sang together.
I know I must be stronger. But frankly my heart speaks. It is so painful to get ignorance from you. Unbearable. Once we held our hands so tightly and now I miss it. Yeah, we choose the love we deserve. Well said. But did you?
Where's your favourite place? His arms.
I still miss you and still heart you. But I hope you alright and so letting you go though I am felling apart.
imy,iny,iwy,ivvmy,ihy,ily.
你傳來的信無法解讀
究竟是亂碼還是心中別有企圖
你總是不肯說出
到底在不在乎
我想我是愛你的 無誤
風為你改變顏色 無誤
看不見未來 找不回歸途
在淪陷的邊緣
我的視線漸漸模糊
我想我是恨你的 無誤
放不下的回憶是 束縛
冰冷的對白 比刀鋒殘酷
終於按下回答
我選擇退出 無誤
Lo, Crys.
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