Changed.

Am using my oppo to update this post. Quite funny using blog apps to update my bloggy. Ballet class just over. Sweats dripping everywhere like what it used to be. A towel and my leotard all were wet. But what different was there isnt potato gang to play with. I mean I can't really wipe my bloody sweats on their body. But luckily I found my personal human towel. That towel will be there whenever I need it.

Waiting for Ms Yip in ds now. I need her information for our next vacation. Will be away for one week. Quite excited but then will be suffering too haha. U know why.

Things changed like everything is different. Totally CHANGED. I think my mood and my attitude. Like LOL. Nowadays I face everything calmly and peacefully. Well,but used to it I will not share anything when I am sad. But now if I face any obstacles, I will be quiet and analyse everything myself. I mean maybe something and someone entered to my life and started to change the inner part of me. I mean I felt that slightly changes appeared. I will not burst my anger whenever I want... I mean I become more...relax? Idk.

Actually everything stucks between IDK and IDC. Sometimes I knew something but I won't spill out because IDC at all or If u want to piss me off with ur annoying ways... am sorry. IDC.

Having weak body these days. Always feel headache and dizzy. Lack of sleep. Anywhere, class started and A2 will be a challenging course. Will do whatever can to achieve all the goals.

Dip n Dip

Sometimes we just need to pour our words out from our heart.

Life after AS sucks.

Lifeless. This was what he kept telling me. He is lifeless. We are lifeless after the last papers. It's like wake up early every morning, waiting for texts, waiting for dramas, waiting for time and waiting for A2. Well, A2 classes all commencing next week and I will be absent for the first day, first vacation maybe? Then, few days later will escape to another country too. >< It's like so LIFELESS. That feeling you can't start any revision or any subject. A2 Contract and Tort. How to start? It will be damn rush for the A2 syllabus to complete in 5 months. All the best then.

Life. He is working now and I am fooling around at home. Having a lunch date with Jenny tomorrow. Going to bangsar. Maybe? I miss those days chit chatting and those students I used to play with. Was planning to lagoon next week but most of them couldn't make it... So... will postpone it till year end break. Holy. Dec is coming!

Speechless and bye for now. See ya next time <3

Lo, Crys.

自己的幸福

那天弟弟把《拾穗》放在我的桌面就去上课了，朦朦胧胧翻开了里面，以为离校了，我的作品都会消失得无隐无踪，可是我终究看见了自己多年前的作品。最初的梦想只能自己背着背包到处去旅行，写写日记，感恩生活，把自己的生活有无规律地记录，做个作家。但是，很快我就知道现实永远都是残酷的。作家是一份赚不了钱的工作，一份吃力不讨好的工作，怎样可以完成我那比天还要高的梦想？很快，清醒了过来，把书念好，把钱储蓄好，再出去闯吧！回到我的作品，一个不知天高地厚的小女孩，为什么就那么创作呢？我喜欢张小娴，九把刀，橘子；应该是因为我喜欢阅读别人的故事，在别人的世界，观看别人的精彩。我写过一段话：我说，我不是冰心，能把故事写得贴贴服服；我不是琼瑶，能把人物写得淋漓精致；我不是九把刀，把故事写进每个人的心里；我更不是徐志摩，能挥一挥衣袖，不带走任何云彩。唐诗宋词我都不懂，琴棋书画也半斤八两。我喜欢幻想，我喜欢分析，所以我跟喜欢写故事。我的故事，不是多少人能明白，但是多多少少也反映了我的世界，我的成长还有我的变化。

弟弟问我，姐，我从小看你那本校刊，记忆中，你的作品总是沉闷，沉重，怎么感受不了一丝丝甜甜开心的元素。我看着他，说：要你管？ 我想想，也是，其实我怎么都没有把自己的开心写成作品呢？纠结。我的大多作品都是：坚强，珍惜，感恩，希望。其实，我知道的，都有些伤感。想了好久真的好久，把这一篇写成我从来不提到的幸福吧。1996年，那天我出世了，一张很白很白的一张纸。的确，甫出娘胎，我是一个单纯得不得了的一个女孩。好像一个公主，让爸爸捧在手掌上呵护，要什么有什么。不是理所当然，而是小女孩也有不知足的时候。

小时候，总是埋怨爸妈把我关得紧紧的，管的严厉，教的严苛。没机会到同学家过夜，总是拿别人的父母比较。真傻！现在想起来，我也许比许多人幸福，爸爸不常加班，不常出国公干；妈妈不工作，在家里照顾我和弟弟。把我教得严谨，也是因为我的未来。而现在，我之所以能好好地一步一步走在实现梦想的道路上，功劳怎么少得了他们的呢？我是幸福的。从小到现在一直都在走自己想要的路，做自己喜欢的东西。喜欢跳舞，一直让我跳到现在。13年了，依然那么支持我。爸爸曾告诉我，看见舞台上的自己是多么的不一样，多么的快乐，因此多辛苦让我跳舞，他也会支持我。有那么爱我的父母，不幸福吗？我妈把一张旧旧的勉励纸贴在我的书桌前题目是：自己的幸福。

幸福不是用来炫耀的，
也不是用来比较的，
幸福如人饮水，冷暖自知。
它不是一个遥远的目标，
而是一个享受当下的过程。
只要怀有一颗感恩的心，
感恩生命，感恩生活，
感恩关爱自己的每一个人，
幸福就无处不在，
无时不有。
我们追求的是自己的幸福，而不是“比别人幸福”。

这段话，到今天我才能完全消化，原来我是那么的幸福。
我有一大群朋友，好朋友就那小组，知己就那几个。友情，我敢认我是一个有义气的朋友，无论发生任何事，我都会好好帮忙。一直以来，我有太多在前面对我笑，背后插几刀的朋友。我是那种不喜欢你我就避开不和你做朋友的人，我总是觉得能和我深交的朋友要懂得感恩，我虽然讲话尖锐，想法直接，不懂的拐弯抹角，但是我一定好好的对待他们。原来，他们对我也非常重要。相信吗？有那种朋友就是在你伤心的时候，他叫你什么都别说哭出来就是了；那种只是听你哭泣的朋友；那种能好好告诉你，什么事还有我；那种生气你被欺负的；那种任由你欺负的；那种好好听你的；那种相信你的。我是一个小气野蛮的朋友，有些自私，有些脾气，可是能和我做朋友的人，你要知道，宇宙那么大，我们能遇见，不是缘分是什么？我是幸福的，我遇见你们，开心玩笑的日子。谢谢你们，了解我仰或不了解我的。曾有个人告诉我：请你脱下面具好好面对自己。我可笑的朋友。我能静静坐在那里观察每个人的一举一动，我能笑着望着大家，时不时抛个笑话让大家放轻松，那种不让大家看明白的我，有时真的很累，虽然说，长大了，笑的机会少了，可是人活着也要懂得放松再往前走。我很倔强，倔强到自己都害怕。可是，少了身旁的朋友撑着我，我什么都不是。读书的，舞蹈的，学习的，所有出现在我生命的朋友，谢谢你们，让我那么幸福。

曾经以为自己再也遇不到一个让我那么奋不顾身的一个人。遇上你之前，我已经不相信那个存在。把自己封闭了好几年，搞不好你说，你才几岁，怕遇不到更好的吗？不，你不知道我是怎么一个人熬出来，让伤口好好愈合。在别人眼里，我可以是一个强女人，一个女强人，曾经有人告诉我，你不能一个人，因为一个人的你，让你倔强到不行，让人不敢靠近。这几年，我任性，放肆自己，我以为我不再会相信了，把那座墙建的高高的，人家进不来，我出不去。其实，锁匙一直插在门边，我只是没有扭开它的勇气。可是我一直知道我要对自己的心负责。我一直把所有人驱逐门外，天啊，我是怎么做到的？之前我都把多少的心伤害了。放弃了多少的机会。为什么会是你。你成了我的秘密，你知道吗？因为受伤了一次的女孩，当她得到第二次，她会比上一次捉得更紧，多紧？我不知道，只是你要知道，走到现在，其实都是好多人的奉献，若不是他们的错过，我们怎么会遇见？是对的人还是错的人，我不知道，我只知道，这些日子我们都很开心。所以我那么感恩现在的幸福。你知道吗？你给的小小甜蜜，可以引起大大的涟漪，我不炫耀我的幸福，我只是想要一个简简单单走下去的理由。我告诉你，我们都别算日子好吗？只是一天一天慢慢地一起走下去行吗？因为跌倒了一次，那个感觉好像失去了整个世界，你可能笑我傻，可是我想告诉你，就是因为那样我把自己囚禁了好久。我不要任何所谓的承诺因为我已经不相信，我只相信我们拥有的每一分每一刻。从彼此的不了解到拥有了彼此，我简单希望，我们能好好地，顺着彼此的心好好地。希望你能欣赏我的不完美，谅解我的缺点，我们都好好的。还是想告诉你，你是我的秘密。至少现在有你，陪着我，宠着我，我是幸福的。我不贪婪，不挑剔，只祈求不犯同样的错。感恩以前的他，教会我许多，让我长大，让我有机会遇见不一样的你。

星星的蜜语，谁知道？你知道吗？原来到此时此刻，我都那么感恩，自己的幸福。一直以来，让我长大的，从来不是我的敌人和那些伤害我的人，而是那些到现在为止还那么爱我包容我的人和那些让我成熟的考验。我承认，我脆弱。但是我肯定，我会坚强。有些时候，上了沉重枷锁的心扉早就可以解放了，钥匙就一直插在门把，只是看你有没有勇气去开启。你，能解开我的密码吗？

自己的幸福，请珍惜。不要逃避，过去的错误，对的人会欣赏。不要躲开，封锁自己，每一个人有幸福的权利。

你，谢谢你。让我有现在的小小幸福。无论以后怎样，都珍惜现在有的吧！

Lo,
Crys.

不用占有，想想就好。

Lucy in the sky.

Dears,

Randomly picked " Lucy in the sky" for today's post's title. One of my favorite where I usually hang around with my baes. It's a nice and peaceful environment but sometimes because of us, we ended up making noise around, sorry for the others.

Having a waiting period for those leftovers papers. Waiting periods are always the most frustrating time periods which students hate. Why don't Cambridge set those exams in a week? Planning here and there, people invite here and there but all arrangements must delayed until AS over.It's November. Seriously, I felt so lifeless in the previous month... I mean until today although so call exams are still ongoing... but still LIFELESS. Not meeting up with mates frequently just exams days etc. Okay, admit it. I miss ATC. I mean days fooling around with those "idiots" hah. However, luckily these days Jo accompanying me and of course Bae Mun also.

Just had my ISTD Tap Adv1 examination yesterday. Quite satisfied with my performance. Seriously, I was more confident in the teacher's dance. I always did my cell block tango quite steady. But yesterday was totally ... -.- Those exercises that I always get wrong timing, I get it all correct. Funny thing. Examiner was quite sweet and lovely. Smile face, sweet voice and PRETTY. She is the first examiner that we non stop praising her. ( * nice and smiley face not = kind-hearted and fair). Overall was alright, and we still remain best partner ever. I mean me and Phoebe. We partnered since I was 6 years old I think. This exam was without Louis, only both of us. Hope that we really amazed her. 

I really hope I can be more busy. Once, I remembered my piano teacher told me. If I have 72 hours a day, I will remain the same-- keep myself busy. Well, that's me. I want to whatever that can improve myself better. Planning to have RAD Adv2 ballet next year. So, I need to resume all ballet classes. Now starting to build up my stamina again. ( Lazy for this entire year, once per week >< should resume it at least 3 times a week)... Next year, my weekdays nights will pack with dancing nights. Must be VERY enjoying. I am joining CSTD Tap also. Planning to take part in the competition to upgrade myself ... I mean explore tap. Deeper and deeper. So, Ms yip asked me to join Miss Leong. Another experienced tap teacher. ( Which means I am doing two syllabus of tap. ISTD and CSTD ).
Always feel thankful to my dii and mii for providing me SUFFICIENT TIME and willing to pay my fees since young.

Listening to Adv2 music. Am typing this post while Jo working now. I started to play my piano these few days. ( how many years... ??) Although I am STILL and REMAIN WEAK with all those sharps and flats, bla bla bla. But dunno why Jo likes piano these days. Decided to play for Jo. Nothing much just learnt from the beginning again. Now should practice more then it will be better. 

* My dear BAE MUN, there isn't any story for you. ( >.<)
Hendrix and Ernie are going to have a baby sister next year. They grow a lot and cute. I miss them. <3
I got postcard from my sis Jenny <3 all the way from states. I miss her very much really much. <2
Listening to 郁可唯.


有时感动，不是唱歌的人拥有多少感情，有时感动，是听的人，他放了自己的感情进去。
                                                                                                                   ------ 《 你照亮我的星球》

Lo,
Crys.